Are you interested in tools to help you in your life journey? I certainly am and think I may have found one of the best and most versatile yet-the iPad 2 (and its 1000s of Apps). I use it almost more than my computer now for so many things, including learning, writing, communication, productivity, creativity, fun, personal journalling, relaxation, personal development and growth.
The possibilities of this tool and its applications/programs are almost endless.
I will upload a screenshot of my iPad and apps soon to give you an idea.
An Example: iPad for learning, fun and distraction
Being a musician, or used to be(!), I have been having fun distracting myself from recent 'dramas' in life through personal development and improving my skills, hobbies and 'fun factor' by exploring music apps on the iPad 2 (yes, naughty me, I finally decided to get one and I highly recommend it)).
I plan to setup an iPad/iPhone apps review blog, including relevant articles here (as there are 1000s of apps in multiple categories),in addition to a 'musical journey' site (dreams/goals in my own process of personal development which has broadened substantially!).
However, for now, I am just testing the Soundprism App and discovered that I could embed an intro video directly into my blog here!
Wow, I'm loving this iPad even more!
So if you're interested in music, or the iPad/iPhone and how it can possibly ease your life, this is just a start - the video should show up below (fingers crossed). This blog post is also my first test at using the iPad as a productivity tool, which is fun too.
iPad, music, distraction, learning and productivity .... Here we come! :-)
SoundPrism iPad/iPhone App Quick Tour (just one example of 1000s of apps, creative, learning, personal development, health and more!)
You can find out more about this music app at www.soundprism.com - I have quite a few music, writing, productivity and other great apps (there are also some fantastic personal diary/journalling apps)
I will return soon with other life and resource updates (eg. involvements in improv theatre, improving health, new 'life' slightly 'colored' by the 'storms of life', physical assault by my 'crazy neighbor', losing eye sight again, inner fears, the 'future' and that 'chatterbox', sadness from loss of so many people in my life to death) and so much more ...
... and how I keep on going by holding on to hope, by increasing self awareness, learning and inner growth...Always learning and reflecting. It's not easy, I certainly don't have all the solutions, but the most important thing is to never give up, no matter how bad life may seem at times, day by day, up, down - life and happiness fluctuates no matter who we are, or our life situation, but I digress ...... So much to say and catchup!
Anyway, I hope you all had a wonderful Xmas and that life is treating you well, and if it's not, remember, always keep the hope going and be kind with yourself. Be your own best friend, not your enemy. I'm sure many of you beat yourself up enough, I know I do, although I'm learning to change that. As if we don't have enough to deal with in life!
Life can change so quickly so don't fear. Live in the moment, for it is only the 'now' that we can deal with and not an imaginary future, often dominated by fear (False Evidence Appearing Real)
For me, here, now, I'm coping through fun and distraction with my new 'toy/tool'... some time out to 'regroup' (hence my 'ad hoc' post here!) ;)
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE iPAD/OTHER TOOLS?
- Do you have an iPad/iPhone or similar? Do you want one? Do you want to know how it can actually help in life? ... If you have one, how do you use it to improve life productivity,and/or learning and self-improvement, or even just for fun (life distraction/peace)
I would love to know how you use it, plan to, or hope/wish to! :)
Or - what other tools do you use and recommend for us all?
Until next time,
Meg
Be kind
PS THANK YOU ALL for so many wonderful comments! You inspire me and I hope to continue writing more often, to share and to learn how we all feel and grow, the ups and downs and how we can keep going. Nobody's life is perfect, we all have our fears. Hope, awareness and knowing that we are not alone, can help so much.
Here are a few free resources which may help in general life and blogging or internet marketing, before I write my other posts referred to below :-)
1)PromoBuddy Internet Marketing Database (also for Bloggers, writers, internet users wanting to organize accounts, other data, etc)
This is now a free database for online users, which is colorful to the eye, and easy to use for bloggers, internet marketers and online writers alike.
Even if you just want to organize your articles, online purchases, accounts and memberships, ezines, newsfeeds, and other resources, it can be extremely useful. Its called 'PromoBuddy', if you haven't heard of it. I just love it (well, I must admit I haven't used it for awhile given I was offline for awhile, but if you use it as a continued resource, it can be quite handy to centralize all of your online resources, and I plan to continue using it again) :-)
PromoBuddy Database Interface
You can read more about it by left clicking here (this site/sales letter, which includes lots of screen-shots, is also a useful guide for learning how to use the database and what the different sections mean). ..... If you like the sound of it, you can sign up for a free copy by left clicking here. Hope its useful!
(sorry, Mac users, I am pretty sure its for PCs only, Vista, etc but double check this)
You might also be interested in the 'Project Management' workbook I refer to below in my free 'Goodies Basket'. If so, left click here to download. There may be a slight delay, being a free hosting account! :-)
2) Learning to be Courageous in the Face of Fear
As the poster says 'the level of our success is limited only by our imaginations', which can either give us great control and choices in what we can hope or 'dream' to achieve, yet at the same time, can limit us.
As I have said before, sometimes in life, fear can freeze us; the 'what ifs and doubts arise', we don't act, and that inner negative chatterbox just wont shut up! Our 'imaginations' remain merely dreams without the action to back it up. Yes, the levels of our success can be limited by our imaginations (depending on what 'success' means to you of course).
However, in this case, we do have significant power to gain some control over our future; in the way that we think and imagine things, to view them as we want them to be. Aim high (again, if you want to of course!) :-)
Positive Thinking?
I believe in 'positive thinking', but not to the extent that we can always do 'anything' - as implied by such quotes and some 'self-help' style literature and affirmations - ie. a 'sugar-coated superhuman' type approach. Yes, affirmations can be wonderful tools in moving towards our dreams and what we want in life, but they don't always work; if you can't really believe, or if our imaginations become limited by fear. Moreover, in reality, there clearly are some things beyond our control. Its not a 'black and white' issue; its gray and more complex than this...as you probably know.
More 'Realistic' Thinking: Awareness, Fear and Courage
Thus, I prefer to learn more about being 'self-aware' as one of the first and most important steps (e.g. about identifying our thoughts, goals and feelings among other things; perhaps even doing an internal and external 'SWOT' analysis ['strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats']). I will explain such analyses in more detail at a later date if you are interested in learning more.
Still aim for your dreams, certainly, but if you want to be more real about what you can or cannot achieve, and if you need to overcome fear if that 'dream' appears to become overwhelming, this may require adopting a more 'realistic' thinking approach (as compared to what seems like polar extremes of 'positive' vs 'negative' thinking).
I am only touching upon this subject here for the moment, because it can be quite complex (and will write about that later. I have already written quite a lot on this topic within my 'hospital diary/journey', particularly in relation to fear and courage, as you will see soon (we hope!).
Nevertheless, for now, I just want to address courage and fear - a reminder of sorts - as it often does arise to the point that it freezes all of us to some degree; at some point in our lives. Everyone has different fears, small or large, and different ways of dealing with them; some of which can limit our actions. Never be ashamed of that.
Courage:
In this respect, we are all also strong and courageous in our own ways, even if you don't feel this way sometimes. As most of you know, courage doesn't mean an absence of fear; it means acting in spite of our fears. Sometimes this requires a systematic plan in 'identifying' and acting upon those fears. Sometimes all we need is a simple reminder of the inbuilt courage that we have within us all. Yes, that means you too! (sorry if that sounded corny!) :)
My Own Fears & that 'Inner Chatterbox':
As I write this, I too have my own fears and doubts. Doubts about what my future will bring; fear of this illness which has taken so much away from me, and which I now face again. I too need to be self-aware when feeling down or afraid - to identify what's happening to me, my thoughts and feelings, where my strengths and weaknesses are; and to look for and understand the opportunities and threats within my own context ...Sometimes, all I need to do is to remind myself that I CAN do something if I have to/need to; that I do have the courage within me, no matter how I might feel at the time.
Easier said than done, I find myself thinking - there goes that 'inner chatterbox'! But I know this because I am here right now. I have faced and overcome fears before, and as I continue to put this into practice in facing my fears, the fear diminishes a little each time, and the hold that it has over me, becomes limited (most of the time anyway!). This, combined with the visualization and hope for a better life, keeps me going. Its not always that simple though (ooohhh, knew she would say that!lol).
Again,I'm not going to write in-depth about some of these issues just yet. I simply wanted to bring you (and myself), a 'reminder' of sorts, in the form of an audio article about 'learning to be courageous'. Its short and simple, and yes, life is complex; but it may help just a little. :-)
Resources in the free 'Goodies Basket':
Its part of my free 'Goodies Basket' and if you click on the 'goodies basket' folder in the top-right of the host page for the article (left click here), you will also discover several more 'self-help' style resources which may be useful to you, albeit some of varying quality! As noted, many have found the 'Project Management' workbook (or parts of it) particularly useful. Don't forget to share these resources if you like them - there are tweet, digg and several 'share' buttons, as well as link/embed codes. I will continue to add to this increasing basket of self-help resources for you over time. :-)
The Article: Learning to be Courageous:
In the meantime, I have also embedded the 'Learn to be Courageous' audio here and hope that the code works (if it doesn't, again left click here if you wish to be taken to the host page, or left click here if you want to see the 'full goodies basket')! Note also that the 'goodies basket', if all continues to go well with the code, should still be embedded at the bottom of this blog/post.
'Learning to be Courageous'
Inner Freedom; Courage/Peace:
If you are not at peace with who you are, and sometimes feel overwhelmed by life, your own 'inner chatterbox', you might also be interested in this additional short audio article about 'Inner Freedom'. This article also relates in part, to perception, and self awareness or discovery. There are also references to that inner chatterbox of fearful, worrying thoughts that sometimes limit us; and which can intrude upon, or belie that true freedom which so many of us seek - to 'silence our minds', or 'to rise above it all' so to speak; and to regain some of that control over ourselves and those inner thoughts.
Whilst short and simple within the 'complexities' of life, it does once again, provide another reminder for us, of hope. If interested, left click here to be taken to the hosting page for the audio article. Alternatively, if the embed code works ok(!), listen to it here online :-)
Yes, reaching such 'inner freedom' or peace can sometimes be difficult to reach; life is complex (so I keep saying!). But if you want to learn more about 'silencing the mind' (that 'incessant mental noise') and finding some peace, control and freedom, you may want to read the rather famous book: 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle (if you haven't already). I hope these simple resources and articles are helpful in some way or another (and don't forget, feel free to share them!)
See you soon and be kind :-)
Megan
(Note: I originally posted this article on 9 September 2011, but made some slight revisions 16 September; unfortunately blogger tends to republish it as a 'new' article!)
PS OMGosh - As a complete aside from the topic of this post, I have been wishing for an 'undo' button here for awhile, and there it has been, all along! I just found it, that wonderful 'undo' button here in the blogger post interface! All this time when I thought I had lost words, and had to rewrite them, I could have just undone the action which deleted it - me silly ;-]
Still a lesson to be had! Nonetheless, as I say in my last post, it still helps to pre-write your post and not write it online, as anything may happen, the browser may crash, and all the work is gone - still a lesson in there! :)
I really hate it, when writing a post, and by uploading a graphic, somehow, your text is deleted and covered by that graphic! ahhh. (and of course, blogger in trying to be courteous in continuing to save your posts, lacks the ability to go back to original versions)! I could scream - lol. My fault really and a lesson all round - make sure you don't write your post online perhaps - write it in Notepad or any word processor first, then post and format it online! lol :-)
Autumn Leaf
Oh well! .... A long winter has ended and spring has begun here in 'aussie down under'! Some of you may be entering Autumn or winter "-)
Anyway, I wanted to let you know, amongst other things I had planned on saying (but got deleted!), I have decided to return once again (I said I would; just a delay). I do apologize for having been away for so long, but I got caught up in my new-found freedom after the rather traumatic 3 months in hospital from November last year (2010) to February of this year (2011) (some of you may have seen the original post I wrote and accompanying audio diary, but I took that down as it was a tad personal, and I lost the text version, which wasn't).
So, apologies aside .... I am back, again! Soon, I will bring some 'merrier' posts, who knows, and a story about the 'Butterfly' and the struggles it needs to go through in order to fly (as an analogy for our own lives). It is written, ready to go .... :-)
I also wanted to highlight a post about the different types of blogging (there are many such posts, but I quite liked this one), as I discover that my rather informal blog here, is considered to be 'life blogging' :-)
I don't really know what it is anymore! lol ..... If you are interested, left click here and click through the slides and read the accompanying text about '
In addition, because I am once again facing health issues, and because in this last year, 4 people close to me have died, combined with the fact that I have just discovered that one of my oldest, closest friends has been diagnosed with cancer .... I can't help but think about it all again.....
Thus, I may re-post the start of my 'audio' diary which began after the first 2 months in hospital - but it will be a slightly edited version! I do this as a reminder that I never want to be in that position again, but also as a reminder that if I do have to, I can survive it, I hope! :-)
Perhaps it might also help you (although, being the start of the diary, it is the 'start' of a journey of sorts, and may be lacking some of the more concrete stories about the awful experiences I went through; that we can all go through, as our dignity is stripped away). Some horrendous stories!...
Please, in this respect, never take your health for granted my friends. I did, before this happened, and before my friends/family members died. Your health is so important, and if you lose it; it affects everything in your life. I want to live, but don't know if I will. It may be hard to understand unless you've gone through a health scare, but please believe me, its important as many of you probably do know, so please do look after yourself.
This was 'supposed' to be my year! My year to move forward, to re-enter life, to go back into remission after years of torture and little hope of survival. I was going to be well.... but sometimes life has other things in mind! [afternote: despite a personal hell of 3 months in hospital and intensive care shortly after this post, I am so much better in this year, 2011; the world 'has' opened up; I feel like a different person; I can finally be 'me' again - I am no longer the 'tortured' person, no more of that thank you .... but yes, sometimes things are out of one's control]. I hope this doesn't come across as a selfish post, but it explains my absence...
After my Grandma passed away in June this year (see the post below with my music video), my health deteriorated, I lost over 30kg (yes, I looked like a famine victim, yikes), and I'd been dragged 'kicking and screaming' :-) to the Emergency Department 4 times; I couldn't eat, yet was starving! I was actually wanting to lose weight at the beginning of this year - so, a lesson here - be careful what you wish for'!!
But to top that, other than health, the real reason I have been away was because my youngest sister committed suicide in October after my Grandma died. She was only 23 and so beautiful. I was too sick to attend her funeral, I ended up in emergency once again and felt awful I couldn't be there. I feel for my dad, my family so much - I wish I could have been there, could be there. And I will be when my health improves and it WILL :)
Thus, please do excuse my absence. I am only returning to the 'land of the living' now I think. I still have to face this health issue and hoping that things will get better....
I will be back. But year, this WAS supposed to my year - boo hoo. 'Woe is me'; get those violins out - hehe! Nonetheless, complaining aside, I need to, and will, keep moving forwards.
I shall grow stronger and live for my sister and for my family, and I will live for me. I will find the strength because I do have it within me.
Thank you all so much for continuing to return here, and to new visitors - hope you return. Once again, you have given me the inspiration to carry on writing.
I will be back soon... there may be a delay between posts, but I will be back :)
Why, oh why, do I have trouble making decisions sometimes? Minor, major decisions ...
One of the elements of being successful (whatever 'successful' means to you), involves the ability to make decisions, stick to them .... and to act upon them...
Yet I often procrastinate.
Do you?
Do decisions cause problems in your life?
Do you know why?
Once again, 'self-awareness' is important to help us overcome many of the challenges in our lives, including the simple, well... not so simple, process of making a decision, whether it be a minor or major decision ...
I am sure there are numerous reasons for decision-making problems, and I'm going to write about them ... this post is just a 'teaser' of sorts(!) - lol..... for a 'post coming soon'.
But I have figured out one important thing -
A 'Light Bulb Flash' - Why can Decision-Making be so Hard?
Because sometimes - making that decision - means closing off other options.
Its a 'finality' of sorts ...
It may mean that other exciting goals have to be put to the side.
Thus, with a decision - a way forwards is opened.....
At the same time, another way is closed.
Life is a journey - step by step - each decision we make can be a small or large step within that journey. One decision can be a turning point in our lives .... Thus, what if we make the wrong decision!?
Obviously, this can lead to fear .... and we freeze. A decision is not made, or procrastination rears its ugly head...
Yes - I think that is one of the reasons why decision-making can be difficult - fear.
Fear of closing a door.
Fear that we may not be making the right decision.
Fear that we may not be able to change that decision if its the wrong one.
Our frequent companion in life - fear.
But one of the most important ways of overcoming and facing our fears, is understanding them - what those fears are, how important they 'really' are, ... and to be aware of ourselves, and our thinking processes.
Perhaps, in understanding this, and knowing why we sometimes have issues with making decisions ... we can overcome this fear .... next time we need to make a major decision.
Fear can be overcome - 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway' as they say.
Who knows what's around the corner
Change is a guaranteed part of life - so, if its not right - if a decision doesn't feel right - we can try to change it.
Believe in yourself, trust your instincts, understand your fears and go forth ....! Have Courage ....
Here's a short 'music video' of 'inspirations' to grasp that courage (please excuse the music quality). The music in this may be slightly distorted (if so, turn down the volume a bit), as it was originally just a test of my digital piano keyboard connection to my computer, while I made up a simple melody - so that's what it's called it! ...
A Simple Melody of Inspirations & Quotes
Left Click here for the direct link to the You Tube page
Take courage, and make those decisions... :-)
And on a more positive note - if we can carry through on a decision made, act, and accomplish it, then perhaps, we can find the time to follow through on the other options, which were closed in that first decision process.
And a decision doesn't necessarily have to be final - another key element of success is 'flexibility'
Its just a matter of finding some sort of balance.
Well, once again, I wasn't actually going to write anything - I was just going to post a 'teaser', with 'Article coming ...'. and once again, I have written more - an unplanned, 'off the top of my head' type post
(its really handy being a fast touch-typer I must say).
I hope this makes sense to you though, and I hope it helps to some degree. This 'light-bulb flash of understanding, does provide a great start to looking at why decision-making can be so hard - entire books have been written on this topic alone! (in fact, I studied some of them when I was doing my PhD!)
The music in the simple video below, is reflective of the sadness expressed here in this post, a post which I didn't expect to write ... perhaps listen to the video, whilst reading my random thoughts below. Whilst the music quality is not the best, it just helps to share sometimes ....
There has been so much I have wanted to write in the last few weeks, about life, change, mortality. The sadness, the joy.
Those moments when one really understands, just for a moment, the changing and fleeting nature of our lives. How short life really is. How precious it is.... and to acknowledge that change is inevitable.
I have always been a reflective person, sometimes to my detriment, but the passing away of my Grandma on 13 June 2010, led me into an unknown territory, full of emotional roller coasters.
I adored and loved my Grandma. To me, she was the perfect Grandma, a Grandma that anyone would wish for, and she loved me unconditionally, whatever 'phase' I might have been going through.
The photo here is of my Grandma when she was young, so hard to imagine. A different time, generation. I wish that I had known more of my Grandma's younger life... I always thought I had time to find out more
But it is too late, the time to do this has gone ... Don't let this happen to you, to miss an opportunity to learn more about your loved ones. We often forget the mortality of life.
I could never imagine a life without Grandma in my life, but that moment has arrived. Even so, I can't seem to acknowledge this.
I held my Grandma's hand the night she died. My mum phoned me whilst I was watching 'Dr Who' on the television... I listened to the answering machine, thinking that I would call back later, I was too warm and cosy. But I heard the desperation in her voice... Megan, pick up, pick up, this is REALLY important, please pick up...
I knew something was wrong immediately. It was a similar scenario to the night my Grandad died in 2000. I picked up the phone, not wanting to hear what she had to say, knowing somehow, that this was the time I had dreaded for so many years. ...
'Grandma has died' she said, I could feel the shock in her voice, and the restraint in holding back the grief ... I stopped, frozen, filled with an unknown emotion, shock perhaps. 'No, no, NO, you're wrong.... no, NO' ... I cried, as I then frantically paced around the room in circles, with the phone in my hand.... NO....
I don't remember the exact words we said, but I knew I had to be there, go to her, leave the warm 'cocoon' of my home that I had not been out for some time. I begged and pleaded and finally, mum and her partner allowed me to go with them.
I didn't know that Grandma would still be in the house where she had died... we arrived, my mother filled with adrenalin as she diverted her emotions into practical 'back-seat' driving - to get there as quickly as possible. Not that it would have made any difference. It was then that I knew that I had to be strong for my mum, to help, just to be there, and not to be an additional burden.
We had driven the familiar route to her house, drawing closer, each corner, each turn, and the car filled with ... I don't know what ...tension? Apprehension? This wasn't 'real'. It wasn't really happening. This route to my Grandma's home was so familiar, and I remember thinking that I would never drive this way again.
Twenty-five years, and never again.
We drove down the boulevard and passed the familiar red postbox that marked the road to turn into the maze of houses and neighbourhood where she and her husband lived. Turn right, then left, then right again, and then around a semi-circular avenue, one side filled with trees; the other, with homes, lights flickering through the curtains, of people living out their everyday lives, unsuspecting of our grief and shock as we passed by.
As we drew closer to the familiar park outside of Grandma's house, I noticed there was no ambulance, no cars, no fuss at all. It was quiet. Dark and quiet... the house seemed normal, nothing out of the ordinary. ...'I think she must have been taken away to the hospital' ... I said... We got out of the car, to be met by my aunt in law. I don't remember much, only that I was held back gently at the door ....
'Grandma's still in there', someone whispered to me. I stopped in the doorway .... could I do this? It seemed like minutes, but it was only seconds, and I drew in a breath, stood tall, and stepped over the threshold. I averted my gaze, and looked towards my step-grandad, who came to me and hugged me, distraught with tears. He was 91 years old, frail and now alone.
His pain hit me like a torrent.. my pain was nothing to his, or rather, it was different. It hurt so much to see him hurting, crying out ... 'she's so beautiful, she's so beautiful', he would say, over and over again.
She too had been frail for the last few years, yet still so beautiful. She looked peaceful. She had died in her favorite chair. Again, I knew that I had to be strong; my mum had enough to endure, without having her daughter fall apart on her. She also had to go into 'practical' mode,which delayed her own grieving process, as she organised what needed to be done, the undertakers, who would look after my step-grandad, phone-calls. ...
So, I stayed with my Grandma, with tears flooding down my face. She was so pale and so cold. I sat down on the floor next to her, and held her hand gently, it was so frail... 'Come back Grandma' I called quietly, ... 'come back, come back, ... please come back. Don't go, please grandma. ... We're here now Grandma, you can come back now'.
Grief can be irrational. I didn't want to let go of her hand, so I held on, trying to warm it as much as I could, with the heat of my own hands. I stayed there whilst mum and the others organised everything ... Even though she tried to hide it, to be strong, I could see the pain and the grief in my mum's face, when she walked into the lounge room, with my step-grandad.... as we said our goodbyes. Mum had only just seen Grandma that morning, a morning of 'lively' discussions about their future ..... She had been seeing them twice a week to support them, to find more support .... I think the changes were too much for my Grandma though. She didn't want to leave the home she loved, her familiar environment.
I still sat on the floor next to my grandma.
I don't really remember much of the details of that night, only her cold frail hand, the voices in the distance, talking to my brother who was overseas, on the phone, ... discussing the practicalities, the practicalities that allowed the others to hold back their grief for awhile.
I vaguely remember the undertakers who took her away, the goodbyes - this was the last time we would ever see her in her home, so close to life, yet now gone so far away. Strangely, I still felt that she was there and I kept calling inside, come back grandma, not now, please ... and it hurt to see the pain in everyone's faces.
Everything happened so quickly after that .... the viewing, the funeral, mum's eulogy, which expressed so much about a woman, the multifaceted nature of my Grandma, parts of her I had never known about ... and I began to understand a little more about my family's relationships, my mother's relationship with her mum... and the moment she paused, when her speech faltered for a moment, with an unexpected pang of grief
I loved my Grandma, but I don't know how to grieve. I am living my life 'normally', as if nothing had happened now, but that's because I can't, or won't think about the loss. I have pictures of her around me - she is still here.
But there are moments, when I cannot hold out, that picture inside my head, of her in her favourite chair, of that night, of the funeral, of turning the switch slowly to lower her coffin, covered with red roses, down into the cold ground. Ever so cold.
And then grief would hit me at those times, but only for a moment. I can't seem to express it fully yet, for if I did, I'm not sure if could cope with the flood of emotion, the final acceptance that she's really gone. She is still here with me.
I love you so much Grandma.
Anyway, I didn't expect to write this post. I was just watching a very simple video I made one night, when I was feeling the sadness. I had uploaded it to YouTube. It was an expression in music, of my feelings of loss and sadness. I pressed the 'share' button on the YouTube page, and 'blogger' came up - and the video was embedded.
Hence, I thought I would share it here, and a flood of words came out instead. It helps to share for some reason. Is this part of the grieving process? Trying to acknowledge the loss? Trying to preserve the memory of my grandma's beautiful spirit.
Grieving is a strange process. There seems to be no 'standard' way of grieving, although psychologists have defined several different 'phases' of the grief process. But I don't think its a linear process, and I don't think its the same for everybody. The emotions one experiences also depends on who passed away, how close they were, and the nature of the death. Grandma had lived a long life, she died peacefully, and she died in the home that she loved... and now she is at peace...
Perhaps if you are reading this, you can relate to some of what I have said and to the music in the simple video. Sadness, loss, change, grieving. The realisations of how short and precious life is. The understanding that we will all go one day, that we will lose others, and that this is a natural part of life, despite how hard it is to accept. To know that 'all' change is natural, and that many changes in life, even if its not death, will involve a grieving process.
It is thus so important to embrace life, the now and to accept this natural process of change, all change, and grieving. To accept that this grieving is different for everyone, and different each time. To be strong, but to also allow yourself the time to grieve in your own way.
I think perhaps, that your body and spirit or soul, knows best, and will protect you. Listen to it. I initially questioned why I had not 'fallen apart', but I question no longer. I am accepting now, that I will grieve over a longer period of time, because my body-spirit cannot handle a full 'onslaught' of grief at the loss.
I still call out for her.. I still feel her with me. Maybe she is, but I also know that I still can't acknowledge that she is truly gone from this life. One day I will, in trying to let it all go, but for now, I will live with her, still by my side and remember her with joy and love ... and try to be strong for my family, my mum.
I will be back, with a happier post soon.
I want to start writing 'stories' about everyday life.
Be kind with yourselves always
Meg
(If the video didn't appear below, here is the direct link, just in case - Left Click Here)
Below is the text which is underneath the video on the YouTube page ...
Tonight, in a moment of 'despair' and sadness at the loss of my Grandma on 13 June 2010, I played some simple melodies to let out my feelings. Grieving is a strange thing; its only just starting to hit me that she's gone.
This is an insight into that 'blackness' of despair, but I also remember her with joy and happy feelings.
it helped playing this music, and it helps to share. I'm still trying to work out how to get a good sound quality for video. Hence, please excuse video quality, any noise feedback and errors in the music. My musical skills will come back eventually!
- I was playing from the 'heart', whatever came out. Its just a quick and simple video, but one I needed to make.
I am making a 'happier' video memory of Grandma soon, from her 90th Birthday in January 2010, along with music by Nat King Cole....
Before you publish an article on your blog, leave some time after writing it. Don't publish it straight away, because it is difficult to see what you have written with any objectivity.
Have you shared too much, too much of yourself, your personal thoughts?
I have spent the last couple of hours drafting a post, an unplanned one from the 'top of my head'. I wanted to get it finished before I went to bed - to feel a sense of achievement and satisfaction.
Then I wondered - what exactly have I written? Is it too much? I will not know until tomorrow, or perhaps the day after. The nature of these types of blogs tend to make some posts quite personal.
Play it safe.
Draft your article. Go away, leave it for awhile. Read it again. If it seems ok, do some minor editing, and only then, Publish!
So, perhaps the article I wrote tonight may appear in a few days. Perhaps it may not. An article of some kind will get here eventually!
Its certainly been awhile since I last wrote! I was going to abandon this blog, but I have changed my mind, although I still want to get my self-hosted word press blogs going so that I have more control.
Anyway, an article is on its way - we hope! (half written). I've missed writing and am frustrated at myself at missing so many new visitors! But sometimes 'life' gets in the way, and my health did deteriorate last year.
But up up and away - LOL. Things are looking positive again
How much of our lives are 'real'? Is life just a fantasy of our own perceptions, or chapters within our own, unique fairy tale, sometimes gone wrong?
BE WARNED:This Post has broken all the rules of writing, by unsuccessfully attempting to explore and integrate multiple topics under the umbrella of one. It is too long, cyclic, convoluted and ridiculously self-indulgent. Hence, please read at your own risk until edited :-)
It is rather early in the morning and I am pondering the broader implications of 'self help' and 'positive thinking' and its potential dangers - yes, potential dangers. Can it be used in the wrong way - in ways that are counterproductive to ourselves and to others - a self-imposed illusion .... ?
Is my cynicism growing, or am I just being more realistic and analytical about the 'self help' arena as a result of my experiences over the last few years, in my struggles to contend with this illness that 'stole' my life away? Striving to be happy and to keep going towards hope and a better life, a new 'chapter'.
There is a beginning and end to everything... We all experience different 'chapters' in life, depending on changing external and internal circumstances, and we have the power to be in control of these changes, how we respond to them. Our own inner control and self-trust is so important, for it is easy to fall ... life can change drastically at the 'drop of a hat'. And that is where 'self-help' comes in, but more importantly, 'self awareness' ... We need to be aware of who we are, to trust ourselves, and to avoid the potential dangers of delusion ... we need to be aware that we can, actually delude ourselves ...
Yes, I do believe in self-awareness and the ability to grow. Yes, positive thinking certainly helps - don't get me wrong. The power of personal development and self-awareness in improving lives is important in the right context.
But I no longer believe everything that I read without question. I don't even believe what I tell myself sometimes. There are so many people seeking a better life through the process of 'self help' and swear by its power, yet there are also many who criticize this relatively 'new' industry of self help literature and 'gurus'. And I wonder, what is the 'truth'. Is there a 'truth'? Or multiple truthes? Who's truth?
Self-awareness is important in this respect. Questioning is important, because under the wrong circumstances, someone else's 'truth' for a better life may not always be good for you, me - us, as individuals... This is where self-delusion can enter the picture.
So many questions and this rather long post is a somewhat convoluted reflection of this ... This questioning is a good sign, yes? :-)
Perhaps I'll actually arrive at some answers ... but for the moment, I jot down a trail of thoughts here and wonder, where is life heading in this context .... has 'self help' had an effect ... or have I been deluding myself under the 'guise' of self-help!? Perhaps the more I think on this, I will also arrive at the answer as to why I even write here in my own informal, verbose 'self-help' blog ...
But I digress once again :-)
Change in Life - Circular or Progressive?
So, what 'is' 'self development'? Why do we need to change and grow? Why are so many of us unhappy or dissatisfied with our lives to the point that we need to seek change and self-growth, by reading 'self help' 'literature' and continuously seeking the answer to that mysterious state of being - to be happy - to simply be at peace and content with ourselves and our lives. The sheer number of blogs on this topic is only one indicator of this increasing trend, millions of people sharing their lives, lessons learned ...
What is change and growth that many of us seek? 'Growth' implies linear improvement, yet life can appear to be circular when change or growth is slow (invisible to the eye even). Yes, we do change .... our perceptions about life differ. Everyone's realities are different - from each other - and within ourselves, as our circumstances change over time. But change can go different ways - its not always linear or progressive - sometimes it appears like we are going through cycles in life .. sometimes there appears to be trends, linear upwards and linear downwards ... Valleys, mountains, plateaus ...
In this context, I ask ... 'have' I actually progressed and grown as much as my post below, from a week or so ago, seems to suggest - my new health and energy! As I wrote it, the words felt familiar somehow. It seems that I am 'always returning'; constantly promising my 'new-look' and improved blog; 'jumping with glee' at my improving health and new energy.
And then it hit me ... yes ... I just discovered that not only were these words familiar - well ... my 'new dreams', my 're-awakening', new goals, and new energy, so wonderfully illustrated (or not!) in the post below - is somewhat similar to a post I wrote about a year ago.
And as I looked back at my daily records and journals recently, including those dreaded 'To Do' lists, I thought to myself, "Hmmmm - that item on today's list - wasn't it on my list from a year ago"?!@!?
Am I going around in circles then? Am I actually improving? Or am I in denial?
Hiding Behind Positive Thinking? Expectations!
Perhaps I had been deluding myself last year, without the awareness that it is possible to be in denial, hoping desperately that - "yes, things were getting better", when they actually weren't. Was I in denial?
Was I actually 'hiding behind positive thinking'! Was I trying to portray an 'image' that I wanted people to see? Was I being 'politically correct' in the self-help world'!? No-one wants to be around a sick, depressed person - it drains the energy! I don't even want to be around a sick, depressed me. So - I think positive :-)
But is it always a true account?
Hmmmm - can positive thinking actually be stressfully dangerous then, if we feel that we have to meet external (and internal) expectations about how we 'should' be - and thus force this type of thinking and image upon ourselves - for the benefit other people (and our own sanity)? My cynicism arises once again! :-)
The 'Shoulds' of Life
In this respect, self help in the wrong context, or if used in the wrong way, can also potentially lead us into a trap of 'shoulds' - if you want to improve your life you 'should' do this, or be this way .... or you 'shouldn't have done this or that, or 'shouldn't' think a certain way, or 'should' think another way, a positive way .... Its 'your fault', you 'attracted' your circumstances .... A potential 'blame game' can arise .... Therein the question re-emerges, what is self-help, and who's principles and 'truths' become important... Self awareness is once again key, in avoiding potential self-delusion and learning to recognize what is helpful and what is not for our own lives.
Progressive Change Not Delusion?
Ok, thinking out loud some more and trying to be more objective here .... No, I don't think I am deluding myself this time (well, not as much?)! So I repeat myself - I do feel like I am re-emerging into the world. I really do feel better. Am I blossoming? Am I emerging from my cocoon :-)
Maybe this time, I actually am getting better, whereas last year, shortly after my new excitements about life and health, I relapsed and my illness became quite severe again. Good patches, bad patches, good patches! So what is to be? Is this an overall upward curve? Or just another 'patch', a small section within this chapter of life? Or is this the start of a completely 'new' chapter? :-)
If I look at the overall trends, and the small, cumulative steps, the improvements in life since last year, what feels like an 'awakening' after a period of possible delusion under the guise of positive thinking and denial (!), has simply taken, or is taking, a little longer than I thought and it is simply difficult to see. So, perhaps I am not going around in circles and there is progression. 'It doesn't happen overnight'! A new medical and health regime has made an incredible difference in my life - just small steps, which were once so insurmountable to me - are now quite enjoyable and doable!
Nonetheless, this is a strange place to be - to now start wondering if I had/have been deluding myself - to question if it is possible to hide behind and 'use' self-help and positive thinking, where it might actually be counter-productive.
So How Much Do You Delude Yourself?
Despite the butterfly blossoming, how can I know if I am deluding myself even now? This questioning in itself can become cyclic - over-analysis! It can be so very easy to delude ourselves. What we believe, think about and focus on becomes our realities. Our 'realities' are our 'perceptions'.
Hmmmm .... Time to stop thinking!
How can we be objective when we are so close to ourselves?!
What is most important it seems, is simple awareness ... gaining insight into our own lives, where we are, where we have been, where we are going ... and taking control in learning to trust ourselves.
Do you ever question yourself like this?
Second guess yourself?
Question 'self-help'?
Wonder about what is 'real' in your life and what is perhaps just a self-delusion?
I shall perhaps ponder on these matters to write about later, because not only is my life apparently going around in circles - so too is this post! Actually, this post is getting ridiculously cyclic and self-indulgent! :-)
Let me know if you experience similar questions about yourself, your 'reality'. What do you think about positive thinking, self-help - the pros and the possible cons. Do you believe what you see or think?
Do you even care, and just accept what is? Oh, how peaceful that would be :-)
Meg
Ok, sorry, its after 3:00 in the morning as I write this post (and slightly edited at a later date) - and its accordingly, a tad convoluted (aren't they all?!) - its sleep time :-)
Remember, always be kind with yourselves (and that goes for me too) - some flowers for you today in the Gift Basket ....
Following on from my last post, I have been exploring some new domain names for my 'new-look' self help blog.
While it is going to be an improvement on this site and based on a theme, of Maslow's 'Hierarchy of Needs' (perhaps), lately, I have become even more concerned about some of the self help type literature that I find on the net and elsewhere (including some of my own posts!).
As I have said before, it seems that anyone can become an expert in this area (and yes, this may be so, because everyone has lived 'life' and learned many a lesson that can be shared, albeit to varying degrees of quality).
My bigger concern, however, arises about more recent paradigms, which are particularly evident in relation to the 'Law of Attraction', since the release of the movie: 'The Secret' (also touched upon here on this site) - I have a lot to say on this topic.
On a more cynical note, many a 'guru' has arisen in this area - marketing and selling their life-changing courses to an often unsuspecting and 'hungry' crowd of people desperately seeking to improve their lives. When did self-help become more about money and marketing (for some).
I'm not completely dismissive, please don't misunderstand, and I'm certainly not criticizing everyone - there is much to the self help literature - positive thinking, affirmations, meditations - many a technique that will provide help for the relatively 'self-aware' person, seeking better things in life - and there are many great websites or blogs scattered with words of wisdom and experience.
But I will be exploring the development of the 'self help industry' in more depth - the paradigms and evolution over time, 100s, 1,000s of years, even only the last few years. Perhaps, even be a little controversial - we can't please everyone! :)
As some of you may know, I have touched upon this in prior posts, but not gone into this subject as much as I would like (although I have written many notes ready to be shaped into articles). And tonight, the inspiration to follow this train of thought and discussion has re-emerged, whilst talking on Skype with a crazy, beautiful friend of mine, Nell.
While I write this, she has been reading out some wonderful 'demotivational' quotes, which are quite hilarious (you will recognize some of them as modifications or reversals of 'motivational, inspirational' type quotes and affirmations).
One is highlighted in the title of this blog post - "you are unique, just like everyone else' - the irony of it all! The realities of life - although, what 'is' reality!? :)
Anyway, my friend and I have some 'interactive' plans in the making to highlight some of these controversies, cynicism and the 'political-correctness' of parts of the self help industry, for example. If they come to fruition, the outcomes should be of great interest and quite funny, if I do so say myself. We practiced or 'rehearsed' tonight! But I shall leave you to wonder on that one for now! (ahh, its late, or early, 4am now, and I don't have to make much sense - lol)!
In the meantime, some of the 'demotivational' type quotes my friend shared with me, are listed at the end of this post for you to digest ... I am unable to provide the source of these quotes unfortunately, so if there is a problem, please let me know and I will take them out (many of them are from the 'despair' blog/site I think).
Until next time, with - hopefully - a new look blog - or if not, another 'update-type' post,
Be Kind with Yourselves :)
Meg
Some 'Demotivational' Quotes to Bring a Smile, perhaps! -
"No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent, but you'd be a fool to withhold that consent from your superiors." Author Unknown
"When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor." Author Unknown
"WORTH: Just because you're necessary doesn't mean you're important." Author Unknown
"SUCCESS: Some people dream of success, while other people live to crush those dreams." Author Unknown
"PROCRASTINATION - 'hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now." Author Unknown
"The purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others." Author Unknown
"RISK - if you never try out anything new, you'll often miss out on life's great disappointments." Author Unknown
"SACRIFICE - your role may be thankless, but if you're willing to give it your all, you just might bring success to those who may outlast you." Author Unknown
"SOLUTIONS - If you're not part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem." Author Unknown
PS - Don't forget the free Goodies Basket below - I will be uploading some more freebies soon!
